I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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