First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Of course I have a pirate flag
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
