If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
