new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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