I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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