Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
wakey wakey hands off snakey
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
