I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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