Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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