your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I didn't shave. On purpose
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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