Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
