Don't make out with my wife yet
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
