So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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