Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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