We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
