If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
