Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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