butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
