I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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