I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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