So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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