in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
