so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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