i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
