My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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