I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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