I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
