honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
