I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
