He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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