note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
3pm strippers are depressing
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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