I'm so fucking centered right now
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
