He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
