im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
