im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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