Your tits are I can't wait for
I met the friendliest cop last night
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
