You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
