we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
organizing the empties. That sober.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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