i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Everclear isn't food dammit
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
