When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
