we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Drake has all the answers
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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