if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
