I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize