: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
