This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
