I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
