i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize