I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
