Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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