He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
