fuck your aforementioned shoe
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize