he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
