chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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