I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
