There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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