remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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