He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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