You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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