So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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