Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
