no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
