in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
