She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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