Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize