i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
