wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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