he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
cat food counts as protein by the way
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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