if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
