Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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