Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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