There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
