every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize