So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
