vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
