I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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