He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
