so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
