Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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