I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
