You smell like a Billy Joel song
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
