Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
