We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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