He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
