You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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