after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
the liver wants what the liver wants
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
