Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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