you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
