Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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