wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Houston, we have a squirter
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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