Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We need a shit load of segways right now
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Pants are for mortals
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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