After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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