i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
