dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
