you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
