highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
