I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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