Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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