His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
