nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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