Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
