the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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