I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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